Most fucked up day ever.

Woke up at Jayne's house with a horrible cold. Then set off to meet a friend for breakfast and then by the pool he helped me to text my ex to ask him to come back.

Then after that, when I reached home, I found out my SIM card was missing. And I was panicking cos my parents would kill me and that there was no way I could find out if he texted back or not. Could it be that it was fated? That we're not meant to be? I cried and prayed and begged the heavens to have it back. Then... for some reason I found the SIM card UNDER my laptop. (?!?!?!)

Relieved, I resumed back to my daily routines and then I got a call. From my friend. He said his ex wanted to see me cos "You and me, she found out we did some things, she wants to talk to you". Freaked out. I told him that I'm sick, some other day can? "Now please? She wants to talk to you. Sorry."

Had a lot of persuading to do with my parents about leaving the house again cos I just slept over at Jayne's house and I'm going out again? I'm sick and still want to pass germs to other people? Honestly I didn't know what to say. I just told them I had a very important matter to settle and I NEEDED to see these people. I couldn't say anything more. They gave up and told me not to get back too late.

I next spent 10 minutes being such a nervous wreck. And when they arrived, it was the most sadly awkward situation ever. No one was talking, and what could I say? I'm a dian deng pao :( It looked like I was about to be confronted.

I can't help but think there were too many things happening today. I cannot handle another day like this.

And he hasn't replied the text message. I'm beginning to wonder if I made the wrong move. All this while I appeared to be happy and acted like he was completely thrown out of my life, then this text message came about me still loving him and stuff. Did I ruin it all?

I think i'm ugly and nobody wants to love me, just like her i wanna be pretty, i wanna be pretty. Don't lie to my face cos I know i'm ugly.

I'm tired

I'm tired of messing up

I'm tired of being the fucking substitute

I'm tired of being forgotten

I'm tired of being the other person

I'm tired of being the last person on your mind

I'm tired of being taken for granted

I'm tired of the cold

I'm tired of being me

Face of the day :D

I'm getting old. Simply cannot afford to sleep late anymore. By 11pm, cannot take it anymore. Fast asleep.

You're not replying my texts nor my calls. I just want to be friends, don't need to patch back. I don't know if
a. You're bearing a grudge
b. You don't know what to say
c. You're not bothered anymore or
d. You're dead.
Are you just like the other guys? The only thing I get of you are dreams.

Aiya. I'm hungry. Feel like heading to Tamp to get food + a diary, cos blogs are not personal enough. Why tamp? No idea.......

EH BTW

Attached days







Single days



















Which looks healthier? :)

Wow. I haven't blogged in awhile. Lots of stuff have been happening, dunno where to start

1) I'm officially SINGLE

2) My projects are 9/10 over, just 1 final major project left, and then exams.

3) I never did slash my wrist over this span of time

4) I get tired really easily nowadays, by 1 I'm already dozing off, as compared to pre-single days when I'd sleep at like 4 and wake up at 6 for school

5) MRT door closed on me, my friends managed to run in - for the first time alone in public I screamed. HAHA

6) Queued 3 hours for a haircut

7) Moved to a place with a sea view. Sweee!

After months of going nowhere during brainstorming sessions, we finally came to an idea that we all agree with. My tutor loves it and says he's "totally endorsing" our idea. I owe it all to the inspiration I got from books.

This particular project has constantly been on my mind for a long while, as other groups had already come up with secure ideas, and we, we had nothing. Hence, when I'm really really stuck, I'd go to the library to look for inspiration. During this period of time I have grown to love local reads. One day I chanced upon this book and I knew this was it.

All that thinking has finally paid off. That feeling of assurance is relieving and incredible. It is so incredible I am going to put my entire heart in it, cos I know this is going to be the most difficult module yet. I love challenges. And I really hope the Sentosa board would love and approve of this idea, I might be too hopeful but it'd be great if they implement it. It would be such an honour for me. It would mark a beautiful new beginning for me. It would make my life.

But if otherwise, no regrets! Fingers crossed!