I'm slashing again. It's a habit. I don't know how to stop

In primary school I was very good at crying and there came a time when my legs grew numb with cramps whenever I cried and my legs were temporarily immobile.

That was when I learnt to jab myself with my fingernails. It was such a good feeling.

In secondary school I was even better at crying. Lousy results, being isolated. I let my teachers watch me cry. It seemed at that time that they were the only ones I could trust.

Last year I let my poly classmates watch me cry and it sucks. They start bitching about you and all that. So this year, I learnt not to show my vulnerable side in front of them.

It's better to keep them ignorant rather than let them know.

Slashing is the only thing that can hold back my tears, I learnt. It's better this way.