Today I cried like mad. Even though it's no one's fault.

The lack of sleep is making me depressed.
Very depressed.

Looking back, which guy friend has truly been there for me... as a friend?

I remember clearly I was crying over some guy and confided in another. And he told me,
"You're a good girl. If I weren't attached I would have protected you"
"All you guys say the same thing, that I'm a good girl then try to have my body"
And then I burst into tears.

And then there was this very learned man. He would say stuff like "Meet me at the hotel and I'll help you with your socio homework"
I managed to get help for my socio homework without getting into a fling tho.

I have this guy friend that I had a brief romance with, and right now we still go to each other for advice. Recently he's had a relationship issue and came to me for help. I don't know about him but I actually feel more comfortable now, as compared to pre-fling.

Some people I met are still friends with me now that the feelings are gone.

So how? How do you establish a normal friendship with a straight person of the opposite gender without going into anything first?

Skin

2 nights ago I dreamt of a murder case at Bedok Reservoir. The next day my bf called to tell me that a dismembered body was discovered there the next morning. Yikes!

Today I have 100% clear complexion. I can just go out without fringe or makeup. No more cakey lips. It's probably the first time in history, but no one's free to go out. All my groupmates are sick, my good friends are not free... Haiya waste la waste.

I don't know.

I'm slashing again. It's a habit. I don't know how to stop

In primary school I was very good at crying and there came a time when my legs grew numb with cramps whenever I cried and my legs were temporarily immobile.

That was when I learnt to jab myself with my fingernails. It was such a good feeling.

In secondary school I was even better at crying. Lousy results, being isolated. I let my teachers watch me cry. It seemed at that time that they were the only ones I could trust.

Last year I let my poly classmates watch me cry and it sucks. They start bitching about you and all that. So this year, I learnt not to show my vulnerable side in front of them.

It's better to keep them ignorant rather than let them know.

Slashing is the only thing that can hold back my tears, I learnt. It's better this way.

Today for lunch I ate 3 full buffet plates, 3 bowls of dessert, 1 hot dog and then I downed 2 glasses of Coca Cola and 1 cup of tea. I am going to explode any moment now.

Tonight.

Red moon tonight at 3am!! Hello ECP :)

My accounting test is today.

And honestly, I've been sleeping all day yesterday. But what I did was, get up multiple times, read a few lines, doze off, and continue the cycle many many times. I did manage to complete my revision like that though. O.O

After this whole ordeal I am going back to baking again. Can't wait to bake another batch of those brownies again.

Weird things have been happening to me. Well, where do I start?

I saw something paranormal on Monday. It was weiiiiiiird.

I lost my voice on Sunday, and had a presentation on Tuesday. And miraculously my voice came back. In fact, it actually sounds better and more "presentable" now. It's probably because those days I didn't have a voice I began to appreciate my voice.

Something awkward happened during presentation day. My classmates were presenting and hence I communicated with my group mates through Microsoft Notepad on my laptop lest I disturb the rest. My friends said they wanted to use the webcam on my laptop. To deny them I typed:

"got alot of obscene photos
not for you to see one"

One of the groups before us didn't have a laptop so the tutor got me to lend mine to them. Little did I know I forgot to close the window... so my friend was fiddling with the minimised windows because he was looking for something. And half the class saw what I typed on the window. (The other half weren't paying attention.)

Then during the presentation, while I was presenting, I got my groupmate to show the class a website that I had designed for the project. And there she went... closes the powerpoint presentation... fiddles with the minimised windows... Notepad window pops up...

...


...This time the whole class saw and the mood in class totally switched from bored to amused. Tutor: "You have 5 minutes left." Oh shit... rushrushrushrush

Wednesday I went out with my bf and we fell asleep on the bus. Then we woke up and rushed down from the upper deck when we reached the bus stop. And then I looked down... and realised I had 2 buttons open. Got ahpek around somemore.

In a frenzy I looked up at him (bf, not the ahpek) and said,
"Ohmygosh my button is open."
"*Nod head* Ya."
*Gets down bus and quickly buttons back*
"*Point at bra area* Still got one more button."

Zzzzz strangers will think there was some hanky panky going on when we were just sleeping -_-

I was supposed to be on MC on Friday but I had a report due at 5pm. I know I could have gone to school to hand in my report at 5 but to travel all the way to Sentosa and back just to do one thing? What's the point? But it might have been a better idea, since I completed my report at 6am and had to wake up at 6.30am... Oh well. It's the weekend and it's test week. I only have tests on Wednesday and Thursday so it's the perfect time to recuperate now.

Photos from presentation day (taken from Jasmine's FB):

























I don't know if I'm being petty or not... I dunno.